For many parents, our goals or resolutions for the new year include a list of things to do or places to visit.  However, many of us forget to add an important goal to that list - focusing on self-care.  Self-Care means taking care of many parts of yourself including physically, emotionally, psychologically, relationally, and spiritually.  It is a conscious discipline that involves changing our thinking and rejecting societal messages that we should take care of others first.

Think about what you’re often told before a flight: “Put on your oxygen mask first before taking care of your child.”  Life works the exact same way.  We hear messages that we should care for our kids first, and we tend to forget that we have needs too. Here, we will discuss why you need to be mindful of self-care as parents and explore various ways to take better care of yourself.

Definition of Self-Care

Self-care simply means “caring for self”.  I see self-care as a holistic experience that focuses on one's physical, emotional, psychological, relational and spiritual health. It is something that needs to be done on a daily basis.  Most parents only limit self-care to the weekend, when they have occasional free time, or worse - when they are experiencing burn out.  You wouldn’t ask your child to wait until the weekend to be taken care of.  Just as you take time to meet their immediate needs, it is critical to do the same for yourself.  

Why Self-Care for Parents

Many parents feel that being a good parent means focusing all their attention on their kids and leaving very little time for themselves. This has been reinforced time and time again in many cultures and through multiple generations.  When my daughter was little, my mother used to always tell me that I needed to take care of her first before focusing on my needs.  As I look back, I realize that the mentality of putting others' needs ahead of one's own has been passed down in my family.  I have since learned that for one to be an emotionally available parent, one needs to take care of themselves first and then the child.  As a child therapist, I often say, “Healthy parents make healthy kids.”  

Parents tend to forget about the importance of self-care. When you do this, you are more likely to experience burnout, and parenting can become more stressful. Self-care activities can help to recharge you and give you the energy to do all the amazing things you do for your kids on a daily basis.

Be Mindful of Social Media

Social media can be helpful for a lot of parents. It lets you connect with other parents, find resources, and exchange feedback and information. There are times when social media can become destructive.  It can distract us from family time, and many times we might find ourselves comparing our parenting to others.

The reality is that the use of extended technology can affect our neurotransmitters' functioning and ability to be fully present with children and others at home. Part of self-care includes being mindful about your relationship with technology and social media and how it impacts your well-being and your interactions with family members.

Make Self-Care Personal and Unique

Everyone has a different way of taking care of themselves. There are many places where you could find a list of self-care ideas, but it is important to make sure that the activities you choose work best for you. Every person has different self-care needs, and because our lives change over time, our self-care strategies may need to change too. You want to find self-care strategies that work best for YOU - not your sister, not your friend, but YOU. So, check within! What do YOU need right now?

Embrace Your Own Self-Care

Feeling good about yourself is an intentional and mindful practice. Today, take time to acknowledge all the things that make you feel good inside.  Make a list of ways to meet your physical, emotional, psychological, relational or spiritual needs each week.  These self-care moments can be as quick as 10 minutes a day or even longer, if you have the time.  It’s important to start investing time in yourself! YOU are so worth it.

Ideas for Self-Care

• Go for a walk

• Play with your pet

• Prepare a smoothie or tasty snack

• Talk to a supportive friend

• Schedule a massage

• Plant flowers

• Play a sport

• Exercise

• Dance

• Write in your journal

• Plan an instrument

• Create something for YOU

• Reread your favorite book

• Cuddle with your child

• Do a craft